A Stupid Decision

March 22, 2012

Today, I realized I made a stupid decision.

Well, actually, for the past couple of weeks I’ve been realizing this “obvious to everyone but me” fact.

You see, it all started about a year ago when I graduated with my Associates in Early Childhood Education.

After passing tests and an oral interview and getting to the top of my local school district’s hiring list, I packed my bags and headed off to Chico. No, not for school at the infamous university, but for a missions base where I would spend the next 3 months developing my relationship with Jesus and learning what it meant to truly follow him. While at this base, I received a phone call from the school district saying that there were interviews coming up and that they would be informing me of when and where they were. Knowing that I was not going to be in the district for awhile, I thanked them for the opportunity but told them that I had to decline. In doing so, I was taken off the list and simultaneously, lost a potential job and benefits that would come with it.

That was just the beginning…

After the three months in Chico, I spent another two in Fiji. I came back knowing that God wanted me to join the missions base in Chico as full-time volunteer staff.

While home, packing my things and getting ready to return to Chico, a friend of mine contacted me with a job offer in a daycare. Here, I would work full-time, have benefits, work with kids, get to clean (which I love to do- especially in a preschool- yeah, I know I’m weird), and have an opportunity to improve my Spanish (it was a bilingual school). Pretty sweet job if I do say so myself.

However, again I politely declined.

This was when I began to realize what a stupid decision I was making…

As if I couldn’t figure it out myself, while at a doctor’s appointment, getting my ear looked at (and finding out I need to have my left ear drum reconstructed) the doctor looked me straight in the eyes (after he found out I didn’t have insurance and my plan join the missions base) and said,  

            “Well, I suggest you get a JOB.”

And now, just this afternoon, while talking to another woman who is a preschool teacher and telling her my education background and such, she asked,

            “So why did you come to YWAM (the missions base)?”

Now, I had no choice but to face my stupid decision and explain them.

Which made me think.

A lot.

And I realized something.

I really did make a stupid decision, at least in most people’s eyes, in giving up job offers and the things that come with them, in order to work full-time in missions for no pay; relying on friends, family, and ultimately, God to provide what I need.

But I also realized something else- I don’t regret my seemingly “stupid” decision and I wouldn’t change it.

You see, I know that this is where God wants me. Without a shadow of a doubt.

And because of this, I have peace and I am content.

I have learned that God doesn’t promise easy, he doesn’t promise comfortable, and he for sure doesn’t promise approval from those around you.

However, he DOES promise fulfillment, he does promise provision, and he does promise to do much more than you could ever imagine or even dream of.

I’d say that’s a pretty good deal and someone worth living for.

While thinking about all that has transpired in the last couple of weeks to a year, the story of the little boy with his small lunch, consisting of a few pieces of bread and a couple of fish, comes to mind.

When he gave those up to Jesus, he was forfeiting easy, comfortable and approval.

I’m sure his friends and family would of thought him as nuts and crazy. I can almost hear his peers saying, “What?! Give up your food, food your parents have worked hard for? And for what? To feed a large crowd? Haha, nice thought, but completely idiotic and stupid.”

But guess what? Jesus took that meager meal and he fed over FIVE THOUSAND people with it, AND the little boy got to bring home the leftovers- TWELVE basketfuls of fish and bread.

I’d say the boy got fulfillment knowing that he was doing what he could, provision and, not only that but, abundance.

This little boy also experienced, first hand, that when you give up what you have and place it in Jesus’ hands- he will blow your mind and do SO much more than you could ever imagine.

I don’t know what Jesus is going to do with what I’ve placed in his hands- specifically, my degree and job opportunities.

However, I do know this:

It will be much more than I could have done myself.

And it will be worth it.