A (Messy) Christmas Story

During our children’s discipleship group a couple weeks ago, we read the story of Jesus’ birth from Luke 2 and then acted out the story.

While reading the story, André, Ben, and Julia each read a section - 7 verses- while Marcos wrote down all the characters that appeared in the story. During the middle of the reading, Marcos looked at me, with that grin of his and twinkle in his eyes and said, “Now I know what story this is…”

We divided the roles amongst us and grabbed some costumes and began improvising.

I was Joseph as no one else wanted that role, Julia was Mary.

While Mary and I were acting out the first scene of hearing the decree made by Cesar (André), the angel Gabriel (Ben) and baby Jesus (Marcos) were talking rather loudly on the side. I tried quieting them, even saying “quiet on the set” in English and trying to translate my “theater talk” in Portuguese (I don’t think it directly translates) and em fim it just wasn’t “working” to keep everyone quiet while we acted out the scene. Baby Jesus kept trying to enter the scene, even when it wasn’t his turn yet.

The drama continued- both the actual drama of the story and the drama of the ones acting- in the sense of noise, wanting to enter in the scene prematurely, and the pure and integral improvisation made by children who know each other well and love to be silly with each other.

It wasn’t the “exact” story and dramatization of Luke 2, but it was authentic. It wasn’t at all the picture that we have in our minds of the first Christmas (at least the one I have in my brain) of being quiet, calm, peaceful, tranquil, perfect (and after a little thought, I realize that what I mean by “perfect” is “orderly”) but maybe our improvised “version” of the Christmas story was a bit more similar to that of the first.

After our final scene of the shepherds visiting baby Jesus (that included me telling one of the shepherds that he couldn’t drag his “lamb” around and soon after  this, pulling that same lamb off of baby Jesus), we took off our costumes, sweaty (it’s nearly summer here!) and tired, and gathered in a circle. “Do you know what I thought while we were acting?” I asked the kids. I told them that at first, with all the noise and things that didn’t seem to go right, it didn’t seem to be the Christmas story that we see portrayed in movies, books, or nativity sets where everything seems perfect.  “Foi uma bagunça.” Piped in Ben. “It was a mess.”

It was a mess.

Ben’s raw and honest observation of our reenactment of the birth of Jesus helped pull the ideas together. It seemed to “click” for me.

Jesus entered into a world that was a mess.

Jesus entered into my mess.

He came to be peace, He came to be God with us.

And He wants to enter in to your life- whether it be that of a Hallmark card or a train wreck, or perhaps a not so happy medium. Wherever you are at, Jesus wants to enter in and do life with you. 

Simply put- He loves you.

Secure

Yesterday I went with a staff member to visit a neighbor of ours. Upon arriving we exchanged the normal greeting of “Tudo Bem?” – “How are you?” – and our neighbor, an elderly lady replied with, “Good… no, actually I’m not. Lately I have not been well.” 

She began telling us of how her heart was beating at an accelerated rate and that she had scheduled an appointment in January (the soonest she was able to).

Honestly, I was worried, and still am. How is she really? Is she going to be okay? Is she resting? (She's a "go-getter" and I find it difficult to believe that she would sit still for very long.)

With assurance and peace evident in her composure and voice, she said, “My heart is in the hands of Jesus, the most secure place to be.”

I almost cried thinking about and seeing how much faith she has. She truly trusts in Jesus. 

God is continually nudging my heart, showing me that my faith and trust aren't truly in Him. Rather, I've put my trust in people, my own strength and my own self, plans, my thoughts, what's happened before and makes sense. I don't truly trust Him like I say I do. And I want to. 

I want to be able to say, just like my dear lovely neighbor, that my heart is in the hands of Jesus, the safest place to be. I want to say it with conviction. My head knows this fact, but my heart hasn't caught up yet. 

So along with chopping down banana trees, I'm learning hard things. Deep heart things. This journey is far from over, but it will continue. Until Completion. 

Dormant.

Lately I have felt to be on the verge of tears, emotional yet at the same time emotionless or really, not been able to feel completely. Partly due to the fact that I haven’t wanted to. Feeling exerts energy and emotions… it takes a toll on you and who you are and if you are not ready - firmly planted and rooted in Christ and who He calls you, and more importantly, in who He is – the wave knocks you down and you decide that it’s just better, safer, if you lie low.

Something I have discovered in my journey of learning a second language and learning (or relearning) my own is that often times I know how to use a word in context, but I don’t know what the actual word means. Or maybe it’s that I haven’t taken the time to stop and think about what the word actually means. For example, as I thought about this blog and what I wanted to write, the word “dormant” came to mind, but I wanted to look it up to ensure that it was the right word.

One of the definitions I found was that in relationship to plants, it is when a plant is still alive but not growing.

My blog has been dormant.

I have felt dormant. Like a plant, I have felt like I’ve been living but not growing.

I’ve learned lots of things, God’s spoken and been faithful in many things, but the battle between that of my will and applying this knowledge and what God has spoken has been a downright ugly one. A battle that, thankfully, I have lost and that God’s love is winning.

My feelings have been dormant.

Oh, I can be very emotional, in the sense of letting myself feel happy or sad at a surface level and going along with however I feel in the moment. But the act of letting myself feel the deeper feelings - of heartbreak, disappointment, dreams that I have yet to see materialize, the wretchedness of my sin, the reality around me, the tragedies happening in far off places- these feelings have been held back and put to sleep. But they’re alive and they need to be expressed. They cannot remain dormant.

Tonight, I let myself feel.

And as I cried and told God what was on my heart and in my mind, I felt a burden lift from my shoulders. I actually felt lighter. I felt freer.

God has set my heart free. 

God's Grace

The other night, Sunday night to be exact, I was robbed at gunpoint. It’s not as bad as it sounds, God is good.

I had just gotten home from church and dinner with friends and was sitting outside my Brazilian Family’s home. Along with one of my friends, we were waiting to Skype my parents. While talking and waiting for my dad to get home, a stranger approached the locked gate of the house (most houses in Brazil are gated). My friend blocked my view and the first thing I thought was that this stranger was begging for money. When he slightly moved to the side is when I saw the gun in the stranger’s hand directly pointed at my friend, Guilherme. The stranger demanded we hand him our cell phones, my laptop, and my backpack (which held a couple cables and a book), to him through the slots in the gate. That’s when I saw two other men approach the other side of the gate, one of them using his jacket to cover his face so that only his eyes showed.

It seemed to happen in slow motion, us handing our things over to the stranger, s l o w l y. No sudden movements.

I think I was in shock… was this actually happening?

Thoughts rushed through my head, should I be saying something? Should I share The Gospel? Seriously…

 

I stood up and stood to the side of Guilherme, the gun still pointed in his direction.

It clicked- There was a gun pointed at my friend… my thoughts switched from talking about Jesus to “maybe I should just be quiet and do whatever they wanted.”

The man with the gun had already looked around us, looking to see if we had anything else he might want, it seemed. He walked the length of the gate with us, the other two men just a bit ahead of him. Again, this seemed to happen s l o w l y. Guilherme behind me, slightly nudging me to the front door. Before the stranger disappeared out of sight and we entered the house, I said, “Jesus loves you man.” my voice faltering. I felt like I needed to say something… 

Guilherme and I entered the home I’ve been staying, apparently our faces were something to behold. One of our friends questioned what had happened and upon hearing we had been robbed at gunpoint, exclaimed, “No, seriously?”  and immediately called his father who was just a few minutes away from arriving home.

God’s grace. Can you see it?

His protection  - in that no one was hurt. We are safe.

I am thankful I wasn’t alone and that the gun was never pointed in my direction. Thankful that Guilherme was there and lead us through the situation. I am thankful.

It is disappointing that our things were stolen. With my computer, I lost almost all of the photos I had taken with my phone when I was home in California. I lost things that I had written. Both of us lost nice phones. But I am thankful that a majority of the things I had on my computer are saved on an external hard drive.

I am thankful that all these things are just that – things.

I am thankful that I am with a family that cares for me and protects me here in Brazil. I am thankful for the church here full of friends who sympathize and pray and who offered to let me borrow their laptops (which is how I am able to write all this out now). I am thankful for parents who responded in prayer rather than fear when they heard what happened.

I am thankful.

How you can be praying:

•  Peace, for me, Guilherme, and the family I’m with
• The men that stole from us, they would come to know the love of the Father and love Him back
•   Replacement of items that were stolen
•  That God’s name would be glorified in this situation

I am so thankful for your prayers! 

2 Weeks in Brazil- God is Faithful

Just the other day marked two weeks since I've been back in Brazil. I wanted to share a little of what God has been doing, how I'm doing here, and what I've been seeing. 

Overall, I want to share with you just how faithful God is. From a stamp in my passport giving me permission to stay in the country until my visa expires (not a thing to be taken for granted) to a pile of new clothes that were simply given to me; from Jesus enabling me to speak a language not my own so that His name may be glorified, to Him speaking to my heart reminding me of my purpose and calling in life and here in Brazil as well as speaking new things, He is faithful. 

Speaking at a local church on God's heart for the nations. I was translated into Libras (the Brazilian Portuguese equivalent of Sign Language for the deaf and hard of hearing!) Such a neat opportunity... to meet another community- of people who sign- it's another language and I do have a desire to learn it! When I was a child and in high school I learned American Sign Language (ASL) and loved it, it was fun trying to communicate in Libras with the sign-language I remembered and be able to see the differences and learn new things! 

As a group and individuals, we prayed for God to speak to us a country He wanted us to sort of "adopt" in prayer. The response was beautiful.

A map full of post-it notes with names attached to them- names of Brazilian believers who are adopting the nations in prayer! 

On my way home one day I saw this and had to take a photo- a reminder that I'm in Brazil- hard to see, but the photo is of a group of men and boys playing soccer in the middle of the street in the rain. Love this.

I got to be a tourist in our big city and go to the art museum with a couple friends. It was so neat to see originals of Van Gogh, Monet, and Picasso, what a treat and so much fun! The artwork was beautiful and the friends amazing! 

Brazil, your food is simply amazing. Arroz e Feijão (Rice and Beans) you are my favorite. :) 

So thankful to be here. Thankful for the familiarity. God, you are good. 

I got to skype with my daddy on his birthday- he was showing me the letter and photo I sent him via Facebook (that my mom printed out). Love him. 

A dear neighbor and friend gave this book to me right before I left. I'm so thankful for the daily devotions, God has used them to speak to my heart and bring comfort and remind me to trust Him. Thank you, Pam! 

My Brazilian family and friends and I have been trying to run/walk when we can- I am being reminded of how much I love to run (even if it does take me awhile to get motivated.... ;) The company is pretty great too! This reminded me of when I would walk with my mom and our friends and their dogs on occasion, while back home- "little" things that are so huge and important and remind us of home. God, you're awesome. :)

The church I am attending while with my Brazilian family. 

Reminders that I live in a tropical country. This a fruit known as jaca or "jack fruit"

This is the part of the jack fruit that you eat... it has a rather interesting taste. I don't dislike it, but it's not something that I think I would find myself craving. It's pretty sweet and tasty, though the texture would probably throw some people off! 

New clothes that were given to me! I'm thankful for God's provision. :)

The prayer "Our Father" that Jesus taught the disciples to pray- I'm learning it in Portuguese- "Pai Nosso"
So beautiful... it can be found in Matthew 6. 

Family (and lots of photos)

Family

It’s a beautiful word.

I’ve been thinking about family lately- the blessing, the opportunity, the sheer joy I had to be able to spend 4 months with my family, living with them, simply being with them again.

Being able to hear the rhythm, the lull of voices in the background that was the voices of my siblings; washing dishes with my sisters; participating in their youth group; being given a tour of our tiny town; living life with them again. I realized how much I missed them.

I’m so thankful for the moments I had with my family. Moments that weren’t planned. Photo adventure with theyoungest; trips to Walmart at near midnight; sitting at a picnic table sharing my heart and being comforted by my brother; jamming to One Direction and Shawn Mendes with my sisters while driving home, driving around our neighborhood so we could finish the song; walking around a sort of business area in San Francisco, the rain painting the ground with the reflections of the city lights; waking up to the sounds of the voices of my family members; raking the leaves with my youngest brother, feeling for the first time in a long time like we had connected; simply living with them.

With a suitcase holding pictures and a heart holding memories, I said goodbye to my family, making my way to the door I hope to enter again soon. While making my way through the kitchen, I whispered to Jesus, “Protect my family, Jesus, until I return.” His immediate reply,

            “I love your family so much more than you ever could. I’ve got them.”

And with that, tears that had been longing to be released, threatened to spill out once again and my heart that felt like it might break was filled with an assurance and a peace that Jesus, He’s got them. He loves them, oh of course He does! And he will be with us until we meet again… and even still.

I think this is the hardest time I have had leaving family. Usually I have a hard time comprehending the long hugs and teary eyes that come with departures… But this time was different. I felt like weeping. Life isn’t perfect and neither is family; but it’s beautiful and it’s a gift. And I am thankful.

Thank you God, for your faithfulness and for your gift; thank you for placing me in a family that loves me, that cares for me, that is hilarious and crazy, and that loves you.

Much love,

Brittaney :)

Mom and Dad when they picked me up from the airport. One year is a long time... 

On our way to Walmart! 

Had to take a picture- I missed Walmart... then I went and got lost and couldn't find simple items. haha. 

Audriona's Birthday lunch- it had been 4 years since I'd been able to be with her for her birthday. I even got to spend Angelina's birthday with her too (which is the day before Audri's).

THANKFUL

These girls... my answers to prayer, joys to my heart, and lovers of Jesus. They're going places. 

Goofing off. 

Our version of "Hear no evil, Speak no evil, See no evil."

She likes photo adventures...

... and we love each other. 

We went to the baseball field to play soccer... 

None of us actually play soccer, but it was SO much fun. :)

Walk with mom. It was great. Until it rained and we got lost. Then it was tiring and frustrating. hahaha. But we eventually made our way home and got lots of exercise and I got to share my heart and hear my mom's counsel.

"Sly..." was what Alex said when I asked someone to take a photo of us, then ducked behind the kangaroo set-up. But really, I thought he knew that's what I wanted to take a picture behind, I mean, who can resist a kangaroo cut-out that you can stick your head into? 

Went with the brother to take a few photos for a few of his essays that will be published! 

We were watching Master Chef Kids when there was a marshmallow challenge. I asked if we had marshmallows, just wanted to eat a few  (I love marshmallows and we don't really have marshmallows in Brazil that aren't shaped like cars and taste fruity)...

... and before we knew it, we were toasting marshmallows over candles. haha!!! Creativity I must say... 

We wanted to go on a hike! 

So we found a place nearby with a trail.... 

.... and made an adventure. :)

Reflections and feet. 

Sister Photo! Used the self-timer and the other side of the bridge rail.

Angelina caught a frog!

Taking a picture of the selfie.

The SELFIE

Before the family vacation, taking a quick trip to Taco Bell.

On our way to Mendocino where we spent a few days as a family. 

Family Vacation- what a blessing! Without internet or phone service, we played random games, talked, and had our own version of a Mexican soap opera, complete with music and Spanish! ;) 

My older brother, this guy was my first best friend and I still consider him one of them. :)

I think Nick actually wanted to take a serious picture, at one point. 

"Look there's a mirror, let's take a family 'selfie!'"

Love this girl... so beautiful. :) 

Love my brothers.

This girl...

... and her expressions....

.... love them!

Our family vacation photo- this was our attempt of, "Let's put the camera on a tripod and see what we get!" I think it turned out nice. 

This was our "Everyone do something silly!" Or something like that. Yeah.... we all agreed you got a bit of each of our personalities in this photo. It almost became the Christmas card...  This one will definitely be printed. 

A good friend, Jim took our formal family photos- it's not easy to get 10 people looking at you at the same time! hahaha. So glad I have a new picture I can print and hang on my wall. :)

The girls- or really, wow... more like women now. 

I told Jonathan I was going to rake leaves and if he wanted to help me, he could. A few minutes later he was outside with me. I'm so thankful for connection. I love this guy. 

I told my sisters I wanted to learn how to beat box. Angelina then taught us how. Wait in anticipation for our album. ;) 

When at Walmart and you see a large blow up Christmas scene in the garden center, a picture must be taken. ;) 

Love this guy. His passion for music inspires me as does his drive to be the best he can be.

I quite enjoyed the bass lines he played. 

I wasn't planning on seeing the new film, but Alex wanted to see it for his birthday, so a majority of my siblings (only missing two in this picture) loaded up in the car and went to see the film. Loved it! 

On our way to a Christmas Eve service, I pulled over to take a picture of the beautiful landscape and had to take a selfie too.

Love them. 

Hours before I left, my sisters took me on a tour of our town. 

Group hug- I'm in the middle (that's why you can't see me... haha)

Older brother and Mom brought me to the airport and waited for me to go through security. So thankful for them. :)