I Can't Change the World

Last Friday night, a group of us went out to minister to some street kids. In DTS we read the book, A Cry from the Streets which was all about the YWAM ministry that got started here in Belo, working with children who lived on the streets. 

A former street kid, who now works with YWAM, by the name of Anderson led us. He spoke English well as he had been in the states (Elk Grove of all places) for 2 years. He was a real leader.

We had to go searching for the kids and once we found a few who were staying underneath some sort of business awning adjacent to a busy intersection, we invited them over to another spot so we could play soccer and worship and pray together.

When we first started, we only had about 5 kids/young people. Ages 13-19 I believe. We began with honoring their friend, Elisa, a 14 year old girl who had been killed the week before. She had been set on fire by another street kid. A lady from Holland named Annette, lead a song on the guitar, dedicating it to Elisa. Annette played and the girls sitting next to me cried.

Next, one of our team members got up to share. She cried as she told the kids how she knew what they were going through. A friend of hers had been murdered. “I am so sorry.”  She told the kids as tears fell down her face and Anderson translated.

Honestly, this whole situation- seeing these kids- seemed a bit surreal to me. A girl, Maya, who was the same age as my sister, dressed in a short, skin-tight, dress, sitting on the curb crying over a friend who had been burned to death.

How do you feel emotion for something like this when this is so outside of your perception of reality and life? How do you relate with someone when their way of living isn't even something you can comprehend?

They began a game of soccer, kicking off their sandals to use as goal markers along with halves of a coconut. I joined in and I wondered why we hadn’t started a game earlier. Language isn’t needed to kick a ball.

Eventually a few cameras came out and the kids were all over that. They loved having their pictures taken. In various poses, with various people, they paired up guys and girls and posed as “couples” and then for the next photo paired up with a different guy or girl. I couldn’t tell if any of them were actually “together.” I guess that didn’t matter much. Or, I don’t know… deep down I think it does. What is love to them? What is relationship? Does either hold any real value to these kids? Perhaps my ideas and reality of love and relationships are completely outside of their sphere of reality.

My emotions were pretty monotonous the entire night and as we walked away I wondered if we really had made any difference.

“Did you love?” God asked me.

“Yes.” I replied.

“Then you made a difference.”

I walked home thinking about how I cannot change the world. I can’t. But I can love.

And I can do all things through God cause he gives me strength. God has called me to make an impact on those around me. He has called me to change the world- with him. Though I feel helpless and as if I don’t even know where to begin, he has shown me and asked me and led me to LOVE. Of which I can only do with him.

There is truth in saying I can’t do it, because in all reality, I can’t. I need Jesus.

I cannot change the world. 

But I can love.

And together- you, me, and Jesus- we will change the world. 

9 Letters

God is good.

It’s something that gets said a lot.

I believe my life is a journey on which I continually learn and deepen my understanding of just how true the above statement is. It’s a continual process of realizing the depths of those 9 letters and what appears to be simple is simply so much more.

This last week I got to meet up with one of my dear friends from this country, Lidia.

 

We had met in Chico, two years ago, when I first did my DTS but didn’t interact much or come into contact much with one another. When I joined staff last March, I moved into the same dorm she lived in.

I can remember my first week of being on staff, Lidia was preparing a typical Brazilian meal of rice and beans when she stopped me and said, “Brittaney, I want to talk to you like an older sister.” She invited me to sit down with her for dinner and over the next 3-4 hours (which involved dessert as well- food plays a huge role in Brazilian culture) we talked; exchanging stories, visions for our lives, notes about our cultural and language differences, and whatever else came to mind.  

 

From that day forward, she really did become my older sister.

When my team and I arrived in Pitangui just over a week ago, it had been about a year and a half since I had last seen Lidia. As we talked (again, over food (: ) it really didn’t seem like that long, except for the fact that much had happened in both of our lives and we had a lot to share!

Over the following week, Lidia was one of the main translators for our team and once again we served alongside of one another, laughed, cried, and worshiped together. This time in her country.

 

One night a group of us climbed a hill that overlooked the small town. On one side, the few lights from the town could be seen, on the other side, it was the stars that took precedence. We built a bonfire, brought up a guitar and we worshipped and prayed. As we were praying, I was reminded of a night, last year, in Chico, when I stood next to Lidia and heard her literally cry out for my nation. That night in Pitangui, I got to cry out for hers.

Yesterday, as I was spending a last few minutes with Lidia before she left to be with her family for Christmas, we began to cry as we reflected on the goodness of God and all that he had done.

She had come to Chico to learn English so that she could use it for ministry. It wasn’t easy yet she pushed through and didn’t give up. She knew that God had asked her to do that and she obeyed.

Who knew that the very city she began learning English in would send a team to her city two years later for which she would translate for?

 

God did.

I’m beginning to realize, or realize even more, that what might seem to have a simple explanation and answer, to us at least, really goes far beyond our initial understanding.

God is good.

This statement is straight forward, but really holds so much more than what can be seen upfront.

As Lidia and I parted ways, the word “goodbye” never left my mouth.

Goodbye isn’t necessary when I know I will see her again. God has proven to me that there’s so much more to this than meets the eye, and I strongly believe that I haven’t even seen the half of it yet. Perhaps one day I will be the one translating for her back in my own country. Who knows?

God does.

And he is good.

A Cloudy Night

The other night, here in Pitangui (a small town in the state of Minas Gerais), I went outside to journal.

The night sky was covered with clouds and all that could be seen was the moon.

Penning my emotions and the thoughts in my head and heart out on the pages before me, God spoke,

“Look up at the stars.” He said.

I knew, before I even looked up, that I wouldn't see any.

“How do you know they’re there?” He asked me.

“Cause I’ve seen them before and it’s a fact that the stars come out at night.” I replied.

“It’s the same with my plans for you.” God said. “You may not see them just yet, but they are there. Do you trust me?”

“Well then, God, could you remove the clouds so I can see?” I said.

“I want you to learn to trust me first.” Was his reply.

You would think I had learned how to trust by now with the various things and experiences I have gone through and the lessons he’s taught me and while I have, what he said next showed me that I still have more to learn in this huge area.

“I can’t do all that I want to do in your life if you don’t trust me wholly.”

God told me to look up at the stars again. Honestly, I was scared to.

Why?

I was scared I would be disappointed. I knew the sky was covered with clouds, would I see any stars this time I looked?

“Do you trust me?” God asked again.

I opened my eyes and tilted my head back.

I saw clouds.

“What do you see?” God asked me.

“I see clouds.” I replied.

“Keep looking. What do you see?”

I looked around at the night sky. I still saw only clouds.

But then, I saw a small light.

It was either a star or an airplane.

The clouds began to shift…

Looking around, I saw one, then two, then 3.

STARS.

They were there. Hidden behind the clouds, and while I couldn’t see them, they were still there.

Trusting God, especially concerning future plans, can be hard.

But just as I know the stars are there, I know that his plans are there as well. God’s got great things ahead for me!

 

I just need to keep trusting and holding onto what is true.

God’s plans for my life are beautiful, they are good, and they are best.

In the cloudy night I will still trust.

Brittaney

São Paulo- A place for my toothbrush

“I was born for this.”

I thought as I carried myself through the day of traveling- one plane to the next and then landing in Brasil and breezing through immigration. I had never traveled alone before and was surprised by how easy it was.

Stepping off the plane, I was met by humidity. “Yup.” I thought to myself. I had arrived in the sub-tropics.

After getting through immigration and now holding a new stamp in my passport, I walked to the entrance of the airport. There were people milling about, some holding signs for the people they were waiting for. Quickly scanning my surroundings and the faces around me, looking for a familiar one, I saw no one.

I walked around for a little bit, my backpack weighing on my shoulders, and mumbled, “Well Brittaney, you’re only in the largest city of Brasil…” Still not seeing my people, I asked God what I should do. I moved over to a corner of the airport, set my backpack down and waited.

Looking around, thinking of how “out of place” I must look, yet trying to keep a confident smile on my face so that I wouldn’t show how confused I was, I wondered if I should move to a more obvious place or if I should keep walking around. I felt like I should stay right where I was. A few minutes later I saw a tall lady with red hair walking towards me, a smile on her face. It was Dayna, the woman I’m leading the team with. A shorter Brazilian man, Sergio, who is part of YWAM (or JOCUM as it is known in Portuguese) was with her.

Relieved, I walked over to her as fast as I could, exclaiming “Oi! I was wondering where you guys were.” They had just come from a church service and had gone to the wrong terminal at first. I was glad to see them.

It was lunch time so we grabbed a bite to eat at McDonalds. Yeah, that’s right, I’m in Brasil and what’s the first thing I eat? It was Sergio’s suggestion and I can now say I’ve eaten McDonalds in 4 different countries (not much of a bragging right).

Standing in line for Mickey D’s, one of the employees says something to me in Portuguese and ushers me along to the next available cashier. I am lost, having no idea what he said, feeling tired and having no idea of what to order (though it be McDonalds and shouldn’t be that difficult- the menu is pretty much the same), I felt overwhelmed.

One of the first thoughts I had, upon arriving in this country, came to me again:

“Am I experiencing culture-shock?”

You would think I would be used to this by now or at least expect it- I have traveled a couple different places, but in most cases I feel as if I’ve never truly experienced a sort of culture shock. For sure, there have been differences and things to get used to, but upon entering Brasil, something felt different.

I have never been in a country where:

1)      I don’t stand out like a sore thumb (Brasil is quite diverse) and

2)      Where English is not spoken. Or very rarely.

In the countries I have been in previously, while they have had their own national language, English is spoken by many and because I have stood out as the obvious foreigner, English has been the first language people speak to me in. To have automatically been spoken to in Portuguese and expected to understand, was a little mind-blowing for me. (Side note- made me think about how foreigners coming into America must feel).

Something one of our DTS speakers said, about learning a new language, came to mind,

“… It is hard, but if you set your heart on it, you will learn a language.”

I will learn Portuguese. I will speak it, breathe it, write it, understand it, and dream in it. I will.

Upon arriving at the JOCUM base, here in São Paulo, I greeted the team members I saw and brought my backpack to my room. Later in the day, the 3 year old on my team heard I was there and came up to see me, I gave him a big hug, apparently he refers to me as his “tiny Brittaney” to his parents- I love the kiddos. (:

I’m learning something about myself- I like to be “settled.” As much as I like to travel, I don’t want to live out of a backpack (unless maybe I’m backpacking). I want to have a “place” for my stuff, even if it’s just a little corner. Seeing my backpack sitting beside my bed, stuffed with my things and having no rhyme or reason seriously irks me. Not having a place to set my toothbrush makes me wonder if it’s all worth it.

 

Seriously.

However, after I’ve settled in and I have made a new “home”, I’m here. My feet are planted and I will imagine staying here for an undetermined amount of time. Even if, in all reality, it’s only a week.

It’s been a whole 24 hours in this new country, new city, and new place. Is it home yet? I can’t say that it is. I have no doubt however, that soon it will be.

I’m going to go make a place for my toothbrush now.

This is me,

Brittaney :)

and the Adventure Continues...

In less than 5 hours, I will be throwing my backpack in the car and on my way to San Francisco where I’ll take a plane to Houston and from there to São Paulo, Brasil.

Just a little nervous, this will be my first time flying by myself- what happened to the family I stayed behind to be with? Their visas have still not arrived.

Do I understand why? No. Have I asked God about it? Yes. Have I been given an answer? No. However, I can’t help but remember that he has been in all of the details up to this point and I don’t doubt he will stop now. Something great is going to happen, it’s what I’ve said for awhile now. Something great is already happening.

I keep thinking to myself how I will update my Facebook status to “The Adventure begins!” in a few hours (yes, I think in social media updates), but this isn’t accurate.

‘Cause, you see, the adventure began over 3 months ago- when the school started and we decided to go to Brasil.

God has taken my hand and led me, led my team, and when God does that, you won’t experience anything short of adventure.

It has for sure been an adventurous few months and I am looking forward to the next couple.

Continuing to hold his hand,

Brittaney (:

P.S. Love you guys, please keep me in your prayers and if there’s anything I can be praying for YOU about, don’t hesitate to contact me via email or facebook.

He makes everything Glorious

This week, while sort of in a "transition" or "interim" here in Chico, waiting for visas so we can go to Brazil, I have been staying at one of the DTS leader's homes. She's in Brazil with the team so the house is empty.

Last night, sitting down to dinner at the large table with just myself, I began to pretend. My husband sat across from me and our two kids on either side.

Before I started playing this, I prayed for my meal (which was weird cause I normally don’t pray for my meal. I honestly think it was because I was seated at a large table and I was in a home rather than a dorm.) I thanked you for my future family I would one day have- first praying by myself, then extending my hands (acting as if I were holding my husband’s hands across from me) and then extending my hands to the side (as if we had kids and were all praying together.)

I began having a conversation with my husband and with my kids. I told one of my kids that he didn't have to eat the sour orange he had just tried and complained about, I told my husband that we should put the kids to bed and make P-O-P-C-O-R-N and watch a M-O-V-I-E and cuddle on the couch. A little later into our dinner, plans changed, and spontaneously I said, “Hey, wanna go on a hike? It’s only 6, bedtime is at 8. There are stars in the sky and we have a flashlight!” The dishes could wait I decided and we would go on an adventure.

If you would have overheard my conversation, you probably would have thought I was crazy or insane. Or both. Most likely both. At one point I was laughing so much, I was just cracking myself up. Yes, this is a normal day in the life of Brittaney.                                                          

I realized something at one point, “I don’t want to be ‘over glorifying marriage and children.” I said out loud. But no, I wasn't. And I began to think- 

how can you over glorify marriage and children? 

Can you really? 

Yes, there are hard times, children scream and complain, sometimes there’s tension, but really- “over glorify” it? 

Marriage is a glorious thing. Children are a glorious thing. They both come from God right? And you know what? 

Being single is a glorious thing. 

So I thanked God for being single and for being able to sleep in until 10am and not be woken up by a husband who’s a morning bird or by children poking you in the eye.

Whatever stage of life I am in, that is glorious. 

Because God’s called me there and where he is, that’s where I want to be. That in and of itself is glorious.

          

Glitches? Nah, it’s God again- In the DETAILS

I should be leaving for Brazil in 3  hours, but alas, I am not.

What?!

“Why?” You ask.

Cause God knows what he’s doing.

Monday of this week came and we were still waiting for 14 more visas.

11 of them arrived on Wednesday.

The remaining 3 will arrive on the 29^th of November.

So we had to switch that family’s tickets and we switched mine as well, so they wouldn’t have to travel alone.

The crazy thing is, a few days prior to our realization that their visas wouldn’t come in time, the mom had prayed, “God, I just need a week.” A week to process all that’s gone on in the last 3 months (a ton), a week to take care of things back home.

When we told her that she and her boys would be joining up with the team a week later, she was overwhelmed. “It’s like an early Christmas present!” She said, tears in her eyes.

I know this is a blessing to me as well, I was running myself into the ground and becoming overwhelmed at my mounting “to do” list that needed to be completed in not enough time. I now have that time.

If you’ve read my other blog post about supposed “glitches” (find that here), I hope you’ll realize something God has made apparent-

He is in the DETAILS.

And he cares about the little things.

I don’t think I will ever cease to be amazed at how amazing of a planner he is, how he knows the littlest things, and cares about them.

He is crazy awesome.

So the lowdown: the team leaves in 3 hours and the remaining family and I will catch up with them in one week. We will leave on the 30^th of November.

Can’t wait to see what else God has in store,

Brittaney (: