This blog post is more like a journal entry, written on my laptop while sitting in an airport waiting for my last flight that would finally bring me home to Northern California. It is raw in the sense of, I did not edit it. What I wrote in the moment is what is being posted. What I thought is what you will read. Enjoy reading and catching a glimpse of what goes on in my head and my heart.
~*~
Jesus.
Culture shock.
It’s for
real.
But I’m
trying to process some things and I am thinking… I am partly in denial.
Not the
denial of culture shock.
But the
denial of the importance and necessity of embracing
both cultures.
I think in
coming back to California, I want to deny that I am – that I still think in
English (though it is a mixture at times), that I speak English, that I am from
the United States.
Because,
congruent with my personality, I want it to be an “all or nothing” sort of
deal. Brazil or the US.
Balancing,
embracing, and living with the two cultures that are different, is not an easy
task. It seems much “easier” or a way of “protecting myself” if I just decide
on embracing 100% one culture, language, country, and people.
Because it’s hard to live in this paradigm of
never completely feeling like you’re with your people, culture, language, and
nation. Cause now that you have become an expatriate, it’s impossible.
Granted, I
have only spent 2 years in Brazil. Mas,
agora, faz parte de mim, e da minha historia. It makes up a part of me and my story. To
reject it would be unfair and I would be doing myself and those who have
invested in me (Brazilian and non-Brazilian alike) an injustice.
However, at
the same time I must remember that I cannot do the opposite and reject the
nation, language, culture, and people I was born into. I was born in the U.S.
for a reason.
~*~
In the blog posts to follow I will be documenting some of this journey- of transition, reverse culture-shock, the idea of home, identity and other such heart ponderings. I invite you to come with me on this journey and if you have a question, or even something you're curious about, I hope you feel free to ask. :)
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