A Cloudy Night

The other night, here in Pitangui (a small town in the state of Minas Gerais), I went outside to journal.

The night sky was covered with clouds and all that could be seen was the moon.

Penning my emotions and the thoughts in my head and heart out on the pages before me, God spoke,

“Look up at the stars.” He said.

I knew, before I even looked up, that I wouldn't see any.

“How do you know they’re there?” He asked me.

“Cause I’ve seen them before and it’s a fact that the stars come out at night.” I replied.

“It’s the same with my plans for you.” God said. “You may not see them just yet, but they are there. Do you trust me?”

“Well then, God, could you remove the clouds so I can see?” I said.

“I want you to learn to trust me first.” Was his reply.

You would think I had learned how to trust by now with the various things and experiences I have gone through and the lessons he’s taught me and while I have, what he said next showed me that I still have more to learn in this huge area.

“I can’t do all that I want to do in your life if you don’t trust me wholly.”

God told me to look up at the stars again. Honestly, I was scared to.

Why?

I was scared I would be disappointed. I knew the sky was covered with clouds, would I see any stars this time I looked?

“Do you trust me?” God asked again.

I opened my eyes and tilted my head back.

I saw clouds.

“What do you see?” God asked me.

“I see clouds.” I replied.

“Keep looking. What do you see?”

I looked around at the night sky. I still saw only clouds.

But then, I saw a small light.

It was either a star or an airplane.

The clouds began to shift…

Looking around, I saw one, then two, then 3.

STARS.

They were there. Hidden behind the clouds, and while I couldn’t see them, they were still there.

Trusting God, especially concerning future plans, can be hard.

But just as I know the stars are there, I know that his plans are there as well. God’s got great things ahead for me!

 

I just need to keep trusting and holding onto what is true.

God’s plans for my life are beautiful, they are good, and they are best.

In the cloudy night I will still trust.

Brittaney

São Paulo- A place for my toothbrush

“I was born for this.”

I thought as I carried myself through the day of traveling- one plane to the next and then landing in Brasil and breezing through immigration. I had never traveled alone before and was surprised by how easy it was.

Stepping off the plane, I was met by humidity. “Yup.” I thought to myself. I had arrived in the sub-tropics.

After getting through immigration and now holding a new stamp in my passport, I walked to the entrance of the airport. There were people milling about, some holding signs for the people they were waiting for. Quickly scanning my surroundings and the faces around me, looking for a familiar one, I saw no one.

I walked around for a little bit, my backpack weighing on my shoulders, and mumbled, “Well Brittaney, you’re only in the largest city of Brasil…” Still not seeing my people, I asked God what I should do. I moved over to a corner of the airport, set my backpack down and waited.

Looking around, thinking of how “out of place” I must look, yet trying to keep a confident smile on my face so that I wouldn’t show how confused I was, I wondered if I should move to a more obvious place or if I should keep walking around. I felt like I should stay right where I was. A few minutes later I saw a tall lady with red hair walking towards me, a smile on her face. It was Dayna, the woman I’m leading the team with. A shorter Brazilian man, Sergio, who is part of YWAM (or JOCUM as it is known in Portuguese) was with her.

Relieved, I walked over to her as fast as I could, exclaiming “Oi! I was wondering where you guys were.” They had just come from a church service and had gone to the wrong terminal at first. I was glad to see them.

It was lunch time so we grabbed a bite to eat at McDonalds. Yeah, that’s right, I’m in Brasil and what’s the first thing I eat? It was Sergio’s suggestion and I can now say I’ve eaten McDonalds in 4 different countries (not much of a bragging right).

Standing in line for Mickey D’s, one of the employees says something to me in Portuguese and ushers me along to the next available cashier. I am lost, having no idea what he said, feeling tired and having no idea of what to order (though it be McDonalds and shouldn’t be that difficult- the menu is pretty much the same), I felt overwhelmed.

One of the first thoughts I had, upon arriving in this country, came to me again:

“Am I experiencing culture-shock?”

You would think I would be used to this by now or at least expect it- I have traveled a couple different places, but in most cases I feel as if I’ve never truly experienced a sort of culture shock. For sure, there have been differences and things to get used to, but upon entering Brasil, something felt different.

I have never been in a country where:

1)      I don’t stand out like a sore thumb (Brasil is quite diverse) and

2)      Where English is not spoken. Or very rarely.

In the countries I have been in previously, while they have had their own national language, English is spoken by many and because I have stood out as the obvious foreigner, English has been the first language people speak to me in. To have automatically been spoken to in Portuguese and expected to understand, was a little mind-blowing for me. (Side note- made me think about how foreigners coming into America must feel).

Something one of our DTS speakers said, about learning a new language, came to mind,

“… It is hard, but if you set your heart on it, you will learn a language.”

I will learn Portuguese. I will speak it, breathe it, write it, understand it, and dream in it. I will.

Upon arriving at the JOCUM base, here in São Paulo, I greeted the team members I saw and brought my backpack to my room. Later in the day, the 3 year old on my team heard I was there and came up to see me, I gave him a big hug, apparently he refers to me as his “tiny Brittaney” to his parents- I love the kiddos. (:

I’m learning something about myself- I like to be “settled.” As much as I like to travel, I don’t want to live out of a backpack (unless maybe I’m backpacking). I want to have a “place” for my stuff, even if it’s just a little corner. Seeing my backpack sitting beside my bed, stuffed with my things and having no rhyme or reason seriously irks me. Not having a place to set my toothbrush makes me wonder if it’s all worth it.

 

Seriously.

However, after I’ve settled in and I have made a new “home”, I’m here. My feet are planted and I will imagine staying here for an undetermined amount of time. Even if, in all reality, it’s only a week.

It’s been a whole 24 hours in this new country, new city, and new place. Is it home yet? I can’t say that it is. I have no doubt however, that soon it will be.

I’m going to go make a place for my toothbrush now.

This is me,

Brittaney :)

and the Adventure Continues...

In less than 5 hours, I will be throwing my backpack in the car and on my way to San Francisco where I’ll take a plane to Houston and from there to São Paulo, Brasil.

Just a little nervous, this will be my first time flying by myself- what happened to the family I stayed behind to be with? Their visas have still not arrived.

Do I understand why? No. Have I asked God about it? Yes. Have I been given an answer? No. However, I can’t help but remember that he has been in all of the details up to this point and I don’t doubt he will stop now. Something great is going to happen, it’s what I’ve said for awhile now. Something great is already happening.

I keep thinking to myself how I will update my Facebook status to “The Adventure begins!” in a few hours (yes, I think in social media updates), but this isn’t accurate.

‘Cause, you see, the adventure began over 3 months ago- when the school started and we decided to go to Brasil.

God has taken my hand and led me, led my team, and when God does that, you won’t experience anything short of adventure.

It has for sure been an adventurous few months and I am looking forward to the next couple.

Continuing to hold his hand,

Brittaney (:

P.S. Love you guys, please keep me in your prayers and if there’s anything I can be praying for YOU about, don’t hesitate to contact me via email or facebook.

He makes everything Glorious

This week, while sort of in a "transition" or "interim" here in Chico, waiting for visas so we can go to Brazil, I have been staying at one of the DTS leader's homes. She's in Brazil with the team so the house is empty.

Last night, sitting down to dinner at the large table with just myself, I began to pretend. My husband sat across from me and our two kids on either side.

Before I started playing this, I prayed for my meal (which was weird cause I normally don’t pray for my meal. I honestly think it was because I was seated at a large table and I was in a home rather than a dorm.) I thanked you for my future family I would one day have- first praying by myself, then extending my hands (acting as if I were holding my husband’s hands across from me) and then extending my hands to the side (as if we had kids and were all praying together.)

I began having a conversation with my husband and with my kids. I told one of my kids that he didn't have to eat the sour orange he had just tried and complained about, I told my husband that we should put the kids to bed and make P-O-P-C-O-R-N and watch a M-O-V-I-E and cuddle on the couch. A little later into our dinner, plans changed, and spontaneously I said, “Hey, wanna go on a hike? It’s only 6, bedtime is at 8. There are stars in the sky and we have a flashlight!” The dishes could wait I decided and we would go on an adventure.

If you would have overheard my conversation, you probably would have thought I was crazy or insane. Or both. Most likely both. At one point I was laughing so much, I was just cracking myself up. Yes, this is a normal day in the life of Brittaney.                                                          

I realized something at one point, “I don’t want to be ‘over glorifying marriage and children.” I said out loud. But no, I wasn't. And I began to think- 

how can you over glorify marriage and children? 

Can you really? 

Yes, there are hard times, children scream and complain, sometimes there’s tension, but really- “over glorify” it? 

Marriage is a glorious thing. Children are a glorious thing. They both come from God right? And you know what? 

Being single is a glorious thing. 

So I thanked God for being single and for being able to sleep in until 10am and not be woken up by a husband who’s a morning bird or by children poking you in the eye.

Whatever stage of life I am in, that is glorious. 

Because God’s called me there and where he is, that’s where I want to be. That in and of itself is glorious.

          

Glitches? Nah, it’s God again- In the DETAILS

I should be leaving for Brazil in 3  hours, but alas, I am not.

What?!

“Why?” You ask.

Cause God knows what he’s doing.

Monday of this week came and we were still waiting for 14 more visas.

11 of them arrived on Wednesday.

The remaining 3 will arrive on the 29^th of November.

So we had to switch that family’s tickets and we switched mine as well, so they wouldn’t have to travel alone.

The crazy thing is, a few days prior to our realization that their visas wouldn’t come in time, the mom had prayed, “God, I just need a week.” A week to process all that’s gone on in the last 3 months (a ton), a week to take care of things back home.

When we told her that she and her boys would be joining up with the team a week later, she was overwhelmed. “It’s like an early Christmas present!” She said, tears in her eyes.

I know this is a blessing to me as well, I was running myself into the ground and becoming overwhelmed at my mounting “to do” list that needed to be completed in not enough time. I now have that time.

If you’ve read my other blog post about supposed “glitches” (find that here), I hope you’ll realize something God has made apparent-

He is in the DETAILS.

And he cares about the little things.

I don’t think I will ever cease to be amazed at how amazing of a planner he is, how he knows the littlest things, and cares about them.

He is crazy awesome.

So the lowdown: the team leaves in 3 hours and the remaining family and I will catch up with them in one week. We will leave on the 30^th of November.

Can’t wait to see what else God has in store,

Brittaney (:

Socks, a Car, and Paradigm Shifts

Last December, while home in Antioch, I journaled,

I’ve noticed something about myself lately- and it annoys me.

Whenever I’ve been at the store, I’ve pointed out things I want and I’ll say something like, “Oh, if you want to buy me a Christmas present, you can get me this.” Even Alex pointed out this tendency of mine I’ve been having lately.

Maybe I’m wrong, but the reason I think I’ve been like this is that, God, I’m feeling desperate, and not content. I’m feeling needy and probably even a bit selfish.

Where is this coming from? I believe, ultimately, from the fact that I guess I don’t trust you to provide. But here’s the thing- for the most part, I believe you’ll provide for my needs. I’ve seen it done countless time (well, maybe it’s not “countless” yet, but it’s a lot). But as far as my wants- and I’m talking about more than my $0.95 sock wants. (find that story here)

Oh God, this is so selfish and rude and disrespectful. I’m sorry. Yet, at the same time, honestly I’m frustrated.

I guess you also did provide money for me to buy an adapter for my camera lens. (One of my friends had given me money to support my hobby and I put it towards my camera.)

But yeah. I highly dislike relying on people for money.

Could you please show me where I need to be on all of this?

Help me to trust you. No matter what and with EVERYTHING.

I felt like I should, or maybe you even want me to write down what it is that I want. I feel  sort of nervous, and well, selfish and kind of stupid. But here goes:

I proceeded to write down in my journal everything I wanted.

-Dentist bill erased/paid off   -new pair of pants       -purse/camera bag

-billfold (mine is worn out)     -car                              -journal

-$ for starbucks and birthday presents/Christmas presents for friends and family

-a few new socks ;)                 -itouch/iphone                        -cell phone

Help me to rely on you with everything, in everything, and for everything.

And please remind me and help me be content and grateful for all you’ve given.

Love you,

Brittaney

About a month later, I had half of the items on that list.

As of July, I had everything on that list.

Except for one thing- a car.

And honestly, I struggled with this, “Of course it’d be the ‘big ticket’ item.” I thought. But God had shown himself so faithful in all of the other things- camera lenses and an iTouch that I couldn’t help but believe he would be faithful in bringing a car as well.

I knew that my car had to be “on its way”. I told one of my friends about it and whenever he saw me, he would put his hand on top of my head and say, “Car in Jesus’ name!” It became partly a joke, at the same time, I was completely serious. My car was coming, I didn’t know how or when, but I knew God was going to bring it.

And he has.

Two days ago I received from some dear friends of mine, my first car. Yeah, I still can’t quite believe it and I cried when I heard they were going to give it to me for free.

God has shown me, through the process of all of this that he cares. He cares not only for our needs, but for our wants as well. Above all that, he cares for my heart, lovingly showing me his faithfulness- providing for my 95 cent socks and providing my Toyota Prius.

He loves us guys, he really loves us!

I want to encourage you to write down and tell God what you want. I’m not trying to make a “theology” or “step by step” plan out of this, ‘cause I don’t think that’s right or possible. However, I do want to challenge you to think outside of the “box” you may be putting God in and challenge you to embrace a paradigm shift.

God cares for your wants, your desires, your dreams, and your heart. The seemingly little things, he cares about them.

“Why?” You ask.

Because He cares about YOU.

So what are you going to do? You’re going to DREAM BIG. God’s been waiting for you. 

Glitches, Coincidences, and God- Invaluable lessons learned.

Ready for a crazy story? Alright, this will be interesting, hopefully I can do it justice by the retelling of it all through written word.

It all started pre-September. I and a few other staff members were preparing for our upcoming DTS and the possibilities we were looking into for our international outreach were Guatemala and Brazil. We ended up deciding on Brazil, for which I was super excited! Our Canadian family was staffing the DTS and had been to Brazil already, so they were excited to be returning.

The school started and about 10 days into it, our Canadian family returned to their country because their 6 month stay (that their visa allowed) was almost up. They had already long been in the process of applying for their U.S. religious visas and we were all hoping and praying that the visas would come soon, that way they could return quickly. They didn't and still haven’t. Sadly, we lost, temporarily, an amazing few staff members.

 

We continued on with our outreach preparations and we began learning how to apply for Brazilian visas. Little did I know how much work it would be and just how much I would learn. After over 25 hours of working visa stuff, sending and re-sending paperwork, multiple trips to FedEx, countless calls to the visa agency (we know each other by name now), and a very tired brain,  I am still learning.

During this whole process, we learn that the Brazilian Consulate takes about 3-4 weeks to process everything. When we sent them out we had about 4-5 weeks before our plane left for Brazil. Yeah, we were cutting it close. After overnight shipping our applications to our visa agency, we get a phone call the next day telling us all the paperwork we were missing. It was a lot. On top of all the things we were missing, we learned that our four Canadian students and their families couldn’t apply through that particular agency. Honestly, it was super discouraging hearing all of this as I thought I had checked and double-checked things (which I had, yet we still missed stuff).

Frustrated and tired we redid the paperwork that wasn’t correct the first time, requested our Canadians’ passports to be returned so we could send them to a different agency, FedExed some more things and prayed that we would be done.

About a week goes by, ever closer to our date of departure, and we receive an email from the Canadian visa agency. It’s not good news- one of the families were missing a few documents and that itself was going to take another few weeks. We began looking at other options and decided that this family would go to Guatemala as we have a lot of contacts/YWAM family there.

Alright, another “glitch” is figured out. Hopefully we can continue to make our outreach plans with no more hassle.

Yeah, not so much.

A couple days later, we get another email about the other Canadian family. Basically the same thing happened. Have I mentioned yet how frustrating all of this was?

It began looking like the Canadians would be having their own outreach in Guatemala. Honestly, I had a really hard time with this, that night as I was talking with God, I journaled,

“Lord, what’s going on? What do you have planned?

The next day it’s somewhat announced that the Canadian families were going to be going to Guatemala and not Brazil. It didn’t feel so good to the class. A couple of them came up to a few of us leaders and asked about it. Some of them hadn’t had a peace about going to Brazil since the beginning and were wondering if it were an option for them to go to Guatemala as well.

Class was about to start when the DTS leader quickly pulled all of the staff out of the room saying, “Let’s talk.” We went to another room and he laid it out for us- the Canadians were going to Guatemala and a couple students weren't feeling good about Brazil. “We need to pray.” Our leader said. “And see what God has for us.” We all began praying and God began speaking.

“I see two fists and they thrust out like this-” said one staff member, pushing her fists away from her body, separate from each other.

“God gave me the verse Joshua 1:9, ‘Have I not commanded you, be strong and courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discouraged for the Lord you God is with you wherever you go.’” I said.

“I don’t know what this means, but I got a picture of a bumble bee.” Said another staff member.

“I see the bumble bee going from flower to flower pollinating it.” Another staff member says.

“When you said that about the pollination, I got the same picture, but I see God going to each member of the team and telling them where they’re going.” Said yet another staff member.

We decided to bring all the students into the room we were in and to pray about it as a group, letting each student hear from God for themselves as to which country they should go.

As one of the staff ran to go get the students the rest of us began setting up chairs in a circle. There was excitement in the air. God was speaking and we were listening and responding.

Once we had gathered all the students, we let them know what was going on and told them we were all going to pray about which country God was telling them to go to.

What transpired was precious and I began to cry at the realization that God was doing something great in the hearts of the team. You can learn so much in class, but not until your heart resonates with the message of the teachings does it really mean something. One of the students put it best, saying, “We’ve learned so much about God being a good father and putting desires in our heart, but I still have this belief that he is going to tell me to do the opposite of what I want.” Tears streamed down her face.

One of the staff members stood up and told the students that if they knew where they were going, to stand up and say it. All around the circle students began standing up saying, “I’m going to Guatemala!” and “I’m going to Brazil!” A few of the students remained seated. One such student spoke up, “I’m a soldier, you tell me where to go and I’ll go.” Another seated student looked up and said, “I feel the same way…” and he began to cry. “I’m used to being a soldier, just tell me what to do and I’ll do it. But I know I am a son.”

Over the next 24 hours the students who had been seated prayed some more, struggled with their own thoughts- mostly of “Could this really be from God if it’s something I want?”- received pictures and confirmation from Him, and told the leadership where they had decided.

We now have a team of 16 going to Guatemala and a team of 27 going to Brazil.

Remember the DTS staff family from Canada that I told you about in the beginning? Well, as we (the staff and the students) were praying, one of the students spoke up, “I don’t think Mike and Joy are out of the game.” Indeed they are not; they are flying from Canada to Guatemala to lead that outreach team!

It’s crazy how God works… honestly the way some visas fell through, others didn’t, Canadians got ‘stuck’ in Canada, a super long process of all this where almost every step of the way we had to ask and wonder, “God, what are you doing?” it was more than glitches or coincidences. It was God.

Through it we have learned invaluable lessons- hearing God’s voice in the moment for the moment and continuing to listen as the plan might change and that we are sons and daughters of God- he loves us and wants us to dream together! He has put passions and desires in our hearts!

I don’t think we could have learned these lessons if we had not gone through all of this.

As for me, where am I going?

I’m going to Brazil!