In the last week I’ve had the opportunity to meet a man who
is living without a permanent place to lay his head, unable to find work
because of his past, one who’s life has been marked by tragedy and redemption.
I’ve wondered, over the past 30 hours, if perhaps God put
this man into my life, not so I could help him, but to challenge everything
I’ve thought, wrestled with, and am still wrestling with in regards to Jesus’
command to us.
I met Larry outside of the Barnes and Noble in my hometown.
I had just driven back from a day in San Francisco and thought I would grab a
coffee and spend some time reading before picking up my younger brother from
work and heading home. As I drove into the parking lot, I noticed a shopping
cart with signs, its lettering indistinguishable from the distance, filled with
belongings. I immediately felt I should buy this person, to whom the shopping
cart belonged, a coffee as I bought mine. I hadn’t even seen his face yet.
I parked and headed towards the cart. Upon getting closer, I
read the signs that lined 3 sides of the shopping cart. “Homeless. Willing to work.” The signs read. Later, I took note, one of the signs also
read, “Need to buy new frames for
glasses.” I came upon the man, an older gentleman wearing a hat, sitting on
the bench besides his cart, with a huge book open in his lap; he sat there
hunched over, reading.
“Excuse me sir, I
don’t have anything, or work to give you, but I was going to get a coffee.
Would you like one?” I asked. The
man looked up, “I’d sure appreciate that.
God bless you.” He said.
I walked away to get coffee and as I brought it back, I was
wrestling inside with an internal debate. Should I give him the coffee, ask for
his name, and if I could pray for him? I felt like I should try to start a
conversation with him. Honestly, I just wanted to give him his coffee and go
inside to read. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts.
However, I felt as if there was more. I needed to talk with him.
Handing him the coffee, I asked him his name. “Larry.” He replied.
Larry. No longer was he a stranger.
We began talking, I asked him what book he was reading and
asked if I could pray for him. Larry told me, “Of course.” and told me he believed in God and was a Christian. He
told me bits of his testimony and of how God touched his life. “I didn’t believe in the power of God, until
I experienced it for myself.” He told me how members of his family would
tell him they were praying for him and he would tell them not to. One day, he
ended up at a sort of prayer meeting or service and was prayed for. Jesus came
into his life and began helping him turn it around. That’s just a miniscule
part of his story…
Over the next hour and a half, I learned more of his story,
what he’s planning on doing next, we prayed one for the other, he encouraged me
and spoke to me and reminded me of things Jesus has been telling me, we prayed
again, and as we wrapped up our conversation, I asked him if I could share a
bit of his story and ask my friends to help out with providing money for a new
set of frames for his glasses. His frames are held together by tape and held to
his head with a rubber band. Larry agreed, I got his phone number and we parted
ways.
That night, true to my promise, I posted on Facebook about
my new friend Larry. I asked for people to pray and I asked for help in buying
new frames.
The next morning, I had comments of people praying and
messages offering to help buy the frames. To say I was overwhelmed by the
response of friends would be an understatement. This… what do I say? It’s the
church in action. It’s… it’s beautiful.
I arranged with Larry to buy the frames Saturday afternoon (a
couple days ago). On Saturday morning I woke up and had a voice message from
Larry. He told me he had been up all night, vomiting. He was sick, didn’t know what
happened and wasn’t sure how the day was going to work out.
I was torn. What was it that I felt?
Deep down, when I talked with him for the first time in
front of Barnes and Noble, and he told me he showered using a hose, in between
two dumpsters and that was how he washed his clothes as well, and how he longed
to sleep in a bed… Oh my heart, it felt like it could relate- the luxury of a
bed! And a shower! I love my daily showers that not only wash away the day’s dirt
and grime, but also seem to wash away the worries and feelings of ingratitude
as I am rejuvenated and feel ready to start again with a fresh perspective on
life! There has been so many times as the water pours out, I thank God, with a
deep, heart-felt, gratitude for the beautiful gift of a shower.
Basic needs- A bed. A shower. What beautiful things!
That night I wondered if there was a place where he could at
least take a real shower...
So, on Saturday when I heard he was sick, oh, I think that’s
when I was reminded of – of what? That he was in need of such basic things… How
could I go to him, with new glasses, as he lay on the concrete, sick? How could
I just go give him soup, pray for him, and leave him?
Was it enough?
Who gets to say it’s enough?
My heart, torn. I prayed. I pulled out my journal and began
to write,
“Jesus- I want to help him. I want him to be able to take a shower,
wash his clothes, rest in a bed or on a couch (though a bed would be nicer).
Can I just go, give him tea, soup and crackers, medicine and bananas,
pray for him and that’s it?
God, I don’t think I can.
But questions of,
‘How will you do this?’
‘Where? Who?’…
‘Is it wise?’
…I don’t know him. But you do.
I wonder and question, how much of this is and was,
‘I wanna change The World!’
and how much of this was never my idea.
Is it yours?”
The verse that wouldn’t leave my mind is where Jesus said, “Whatever
you did for the least of these, you did for me.” (Matthew 25:40)
I called Larry and told him I would still come by and we
could figure out what to do.
Still torn and trying to figure out a way to get Larry to a
shower and possible place to sleep, I contemplated, debated, and grew upset- I
knew, oh how I KNOW it is not “wise” to take someone you just met into your car
and drive them somewhere; especially as a young woman, but…
Sometimes what the world (people) think as foolish, is not,
or God uses what is foolish to confound the wise. (1 Corinthians 1)
But…
Jesus calls us to be shrewd (wise) as serpents and as gentle
(innocent) as doves. (Matthew 10:16)
But…
Didn’t Jesus tell us to feed the hungry, clothe the poor,
care for the sick?
But…
Having already had an internal debate, a war raging inside
my heart and conscious, for about an hour, I went to my father.
He echoed, that no, it would not be a good idea to take
someone into my car as a young woman. I could bring him something; I could
contact someone else…
I needed to hear, the reassurance and “No.” from my father,
because deep down I didn’t have a peace about doing it alone, but I so wanted
to DO SOMETHING!
I was told I had done enough…
Oh! But, how is “enough”
measured?
And, a question- oh a question I’ve been putting off to find
an answer to for a long time- surfaced again, asking to be answered and made at
peace with.
How many times have I failed to do anything because the solution to the problem is “unwise,” “unsafe,”
“audacious,” “unconventional,” or because I’ve been worried about how it will
be looked at and what people will think?
As I write this all out, I’m seeing something else, how many
times have I failed to do anything because, for one reason or another, I don’t
ask for help.
I like how a fellow blogger put it here,
“To ask for help is to
admit inadequacy. Exactly.
And to receive help is to welcome a gospel-like gift: an empowerment of grace,
a reminder of our need, and a humbling image of salvation.”
And what about when there’s not help?
Friends, I don’t have answers… I would love to hear other
people’s thoughts and hearts on this. Please comment below and let’s get a
conversation going.
In this particular situation, I do have help. My father
agreed to go with me.
This story isn’t over yet, in some ways I think it’s just
the beginning…
I’m coming face to face with burning questions. I’m learning
that it’s okay to ask for help. I’m witnessing people being the hands and feet
of Jesus. I’m finding that Jesus calls me to love the one He puts in my path.
I’m learning to a greater and deeper extent the beauty of
The Gospel.
To give without expectation of return, to those who haven’t
earned it, but also to receive when I
myself don’t deserve the gift I’m being given.
For it is God who GAVE
His son; it is Jesus who GAVE His
body, so that I might RECEIVE the
benefits of a restored relationship; that I may receive eternal life, though I
could do nothing to earn it, and never did anything to deserve it. Jesus still gave.
As I read Matthew this morning, the words seemed to jump off
the page and catch my attention in a new way.
“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and
you gave me something to drink, I was a
stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was
sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.” ~Matthew
25:35-36 (emphasis mine.)
“I was a stranger and you invited me in…” This hit home for
me.
My year in Brazil, I was an “estrangeiro,” a “stranger” and so many people invited me in. They
fed me; they clothed me, and looked after me when I wasn’t doing well. In doing
this, they lived The Gospel, of giving something that is needed, though
undeserved or unearned.
This Gospel, that is not just for Larry, but is for me. And
it’s for you.
May we, in light of The Gospel message, receive from Christ the gift of undeserved salvation, and may we
turnaround and offer it, give, it to
others.
So, questions to
ponder and comment on below:
~When do we ask for help?
~When is “enough”
enough?
~What do we do when we
need help, but none are available or willing?
~Is there ever a
situation where doing something that would generally be considered “unwise” or “unsafe”
is okay? How do you determine this?
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