August 18

In the midst of the waiting, where the light of hope grows dim, I find myself again, doubting.

“Am I really supposed to go to Brazil?

Is it really for this season, or is it for later?

Am I really hearing God’s voice, or am I hearing what I want to hear?”

I've written about this before… the uncanny thing about doubt is that it likes to creep in. Even after you've resolved to stand firm in what you know.

Last Sunday night, the 20^th of July, you could find me in the Flag Circle at our YWAM campus. I was lying underneath Brazil’s flag, staring up at it flowing and whipping back and forth in the nighttime breeze.

God told me that he was going to speak to me that night and like I had told God many times before, I repeated my desire of wanting to go to Brazil.

“You’re going sooner than you think.” Was God’s reply this time.

“What the heck does ‘soon’ mean?” I asked in frustration. “Is it too much to ask for a date?”

Before these words had finished forming in my head, God replied with, “August 18.”

“God, if this is what you’re saying, I need you to confirm it.” I said, praying for confirmation.

I went to bed that night, with peace in my heart and able to rest.

The next morning, during our campus worship meeting, one of the staff members, Michael, stood up and spoke to us saying, “I believe that God is calling us to be COURAGEOUS.”

Photo courtesy of Donnie Moore Ministries

On somewhat of a side note- this had been the theme of the Radical Reality camp we had just hosted, not to mention one of the things God has been speaking to me about. Funny how God likes to tell his people the same thing at similar times, huh? ;)

One of the leaders then suggested that we take a moment to ask God what that meant for us as individuals.

Bowing my head, I asked God, “What do you want me to be courageous in?”

“In going to Brazil” was his reply.

No later than when his reply had finished, when another staff member, Brittany, tapped me on the shoulder. I looked up. “Go buy your plane ticket.”Brittany said.

“What?” I replied.

“Go buy your plane ticket.” Brittany repeated.

Having still not heard her very well and probably not quite believing what I was hearing and wanting to be sure, I again replied with, “What?”

“God told me to tell you to buy your plane ticket.” Brittany said.

I began to cry and I told her what God had told me the night before and just a moment before she had tapped me on the shoulder.

After the meeting, I found another staff member, Robin and asked if I could talk with her. It seemed as if what God had told me had been confirmed but I didn't want to take that as my only confirmation and I wanted and needed prayer and advice from someone who’s been at life a little longer than I have.

I sat down with Robin and told her how I had asked God for a date. I then told her that I felt like he said August 18.

“Wow.” Robin exclaimed. “Right after you told me how you asked God for a date, August 18 is the date that came to my mind; before you even said it.”

“What?” I said, a cross between being dumbfounded and excited. “Why did August 18 come to mind?” I asked her.

“I don’t know” Robin said, shrugging, “it just did.”

Now, in case you’re wondering, no. I don’t have my visa. So what to do? Buy a plane ticket for August 18 in faith that I would receive my visa before that?

Robin prayed with me and I went to Brittany’s office to tell her of the conversation I just had had with Robin.

While in conversation with Brittany about all that had transpired, my phone starts lighting up with messages from one of my friends, Schayanne, in Brazil. Schayanne had been able to contact someone from the Embassy, concerning my visa application, who confirmed that it had been received and was in order. This contact believed that I should contact the consulate in San Francisco (where I applied). Schayanne encouraged me to call the consulate (they had told me not to contact them).

I did my best to contact the consulate, and after a minor redirection, I was able to leave a message with the visa department.

That’s where it was left.

I packed my bag that night for a family reunion in Minnesota and left Chico for the Bay Area, where I would meet up with my mom. Hope had been renewed.

HOPE- it meant so much to me.

After 4 months of waiting in silence, having heard nothing from the consulate, I now finally had something. God gives me more answers than the consulate does! ;)

I hoped and prayed that I would receive word, concerning my visa’s process, the week I was in Minnesota.

I was not disappointed.

While sitting on my bed, having just been in Minnesota for a few days, I decided to check my email before shutting off my phone and calling it a night. Opening my inbox and loading my messages, I notice an email from a sender whose name is in Portuguese and a subject line that reads, “Visa to Brazil.” I opened it up to read the following:

I was stunned; absolutely stunned and in shock.

“Mom… mom…” I said as I leaned over to my mom sitting beside me. My phone began to shake in my trembling hands as I passed it off to her. “I think I got my visa… I got my visa. Oh my gosh, mom, I have my visa!” My mom read the email and exclaimed in joy. I just cried. I cried for about 30 minutes as my mom and I prayed, thanking and praising God together for what he had done.

Four months. Four l o n g months of praying, hoping, trusting, doubting, crying, and praying and hoping some more and finally to have gained what I had fought for, what YOU fought for, what WE fought for together, for the approval and release of my visa.

Thank you.

Seriously, thank you. Every single one of you who prayed and every single one of you who encouraged me to keep waiting, to keep hoping, to keep trusting… Oh my friends, thank you.

God has made all this possible and he has used YOU. Thank you.

So… you might be wondering- August 18- is that my date of departure?

You betcha it is. ;)

More details to follow soon, please contact me with your email if you wanna know what’s up.

Brasil, here I come!!!! :D